"just fuck it right enough, that's it. you'll still go on well for a bit. another day of utter shit, and then there were none."

it's a quote from Spring Awakening but that's about how i feel right now. I feel like i fuck everything up. I always feel like i'm a burden. I mean i know i can be a great gf and a great best friend but i feel like i rain on everyone's parade some days. maybe i'm just going through a downer. i think that's what it is. I must be down in the blue. hopefully a manic episode will start soon and i'll be back up in the yellow soon. prolly be back later when i'm not being so cynical. >.<


=edit=
no such luck. seems i'm stuck in a rut. found some great lyrics while I was looking up some SI stuff.
"Need you
Dream you
Find you
Taste you
Fuck you
Use you
Scar you
Break you
Lose me
Hate me
Smash me
Erase me
Kill me"
it's Eraser by Nine Inch Nails

maybe the evening will chill me out. woot for just finishing a malibu and OJ. :)

I have realized that in life you are making yourself in to a masterpiece. Every decision you make shapes you into what the art that everyone will see. In all honesty that is a scary thought. Looking back you can only see the ugly. The brushstrokes that you've messed up on. I feel like Dorian Gray. I feel like my painting is turning more and more into trash than treasure. I should probably do something to fix this...and soon. >.<
Camp starts soon. That's always a wonderful thing for me. I love being close to nature even though i do have to deal with the politics of camp staff. Oh well. It's totally worth it. Write back soon.

so in exactly two hours (@ 11:45) i will get my wisdom teeth out. Yes, all four of them. I am a bit nervous to say the least considering starting the 18th-20th I'm going to be in a play. >.< Wish me luck loves. I'm sure i'll update again in a bit.

= = edit = =
quick update
wisdom teeth went well. no swelling and stiches just came out like yesterday
i have the play thursday and friday so i am totally stressed and have NO social life this week because of classes homework and practice. sigh.
and i'm almost late to class. fml. >.<